BLM conversations in non-black POC households: why is it so difficult? By Chloe Ballera

The ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement is undoubtedly taking the world and forcing the public to take a step back, reflect on their actions towards the black community and have these all-important conversations on how to create a better world one day at a time. However for some families, this discussion is not as easy to carry out as one may think it is, especially for non-black people of colour (POC).

I assume, you are currently thinking to yourself, “Why? Why can you not just sit down with your parents and ask them their opinions on BLM? Surely it is not that difficult. ”. Well, let me tell you, it is just that difficult.

Being raised in a Filipino household, it goes without saying that growing up, I was more than aware of the several hundreds of years that Spain, US, Japan and the UK collectively colonised The Philippines. Contrary to certain beliefs, colonisation by these countries did not contribute to the development of the Filipino people, as well as the countless countries in Africa, the Americas, Oceania and Asia that endured subjugation; even after the country declared its independence, there is one unfortunate thing that survived: colonial mentality.

Colonial mentality is a form of internalised oppression, where one believes their own culture is inferior to that of the colonisers, and this can take form in various ways; hating the colour of your skin and taking extreme measures (e.g bleaching your skin) to achieve your desired skin tone, not wanting to date people from your own race because ‘it’s just a preference’, rejecting your culture’s food or media because you think it’s subpar - the list goes on. Let us look deeper into the issue regarding skin colour; the skin-whitening industry has a huge market in The Philippines, with a predicted 50% of the population using whitening products. Everywhere you look, posters for creams and adverts of soaps plague the country to brainwash its people into thinking ‘white is beautiful’, despite studies highlighting the dangers that come with abusing such products. Hearing my own niece cry and seeing how utterly distraught she was because she believed her gorgeous tan skin was ‘ugly’ in comparison to my own fair complexion was heartbreaking; at the age of 6, my niece was already swept up in the myth cast upon her by the Filipino media that the natural skin tone she was blessed with was not beautiful, that her ‘morena’ skin prevented her from being perceived as pretty. It is this same reason that the Aeta people, who are believed to be the true indigenous people of The Philippines, are ostracised from society because of their dark skin colour and type 2-3 hair. Labelled ‘negritos’ by the Spaniards, the Aeta people were placed at the bottom of the caste system used during Spanish rule, with people of full Austronesian blood nicknames ‘Indios’, placing just above the Aetas in the system. This hatred of darker skin colours bled into the 21st century and remains to be seen as a flaw rather than a feature that is appreciated.

But how does this relate to discussing BLM with family members?

Racial prejudice against black people is prevalent amongst Filipinos, whether we recognise it or not. The colourism towards dark-skinned Filipinos paves the way for prejudice towards black communities. Readers from non-black ethnic minorities know that family members, particularly the older generations, stubbornly hold racist views. Respecting your elders is more than a common practice but is seen as a way of life, particularly in Asian communities, and to challenge their views would be seen as insolent. As if the clash between western culture and our parents’ cultures wasn’t strenuous enough, calling out family members on their racist implicit biases appears to be a death wish. Even if an attempt is made to discuss this particular social issue, many family members fail to see why they should care so much about ‘something that doesn’t affect them’.

With such a negative opinion on the indigenous population of The Philippines, how can we expect Filipinos to respect black people? Of course, that’s not to say all Filipinos are racist and actively participate in harmful activities towards black communities, but it is not rare to see us, as well as other Asians, acting as bystanders while injustice takes place towards black people every single day. An example would be Tou Thao, a Hmong American and one of the policemen charged with ‘aiding and abetting second degree murder’ regarding the death of George Floyd. The viral video of Floyd’s murder shows Thao standing and watching Derek Chauvin kneeling on Floyd’s neck, not interfering once despite Floyd stating that he could not breathe several times. Here, Thao represents the complicitness of anti-blackness in the Asian community, and his release serves as a reminder of the millions of times we have gotten away with such intolerance. In the UK, Priti Patel’s statement in the House of Commons to MP Florence Eshalomi began with how “saddened” she was that Eshalomi believed that “this government doesn't understand racial inequality”, ultimately signifying that she does not recognise the systemic racism that pervades our nation - this abetment cannot continue.

It is terrifying to even think of calling out your mum, dad or other family members for their words and actions, especially when you know that their opinion will not waver; I can speak from experience that it is not an easy task and there have been many times where I stayed silent for the sake of tranquility and not being labelled as disrespectful. But if we shy away from talking about this, we inherently do more damage towards the black community. Never speaking up guarantees that our loved ones can never change. Cowardice is only a temporary peace to help us avoid a momentary dispute, but at what cost?


So how do I start this conversation, and what can I say to transform their outlook on BLM?
There is no right or wrong way to begin a conversation about BLM; you can wait for someone to make a statement that you recognise is rooted in racism, and politely point out that what they said is offensive. On the other hand, you could mention an article you’ve recently read and talk about how it affected you emotionally, mentally and physically, or watch documentaries with your family in order to naturally bring up the topic of BLM. From there, you can ask follow-up questions such as ‘how has anti-blackness affected your experiences?’ and ‘what do you think about….?’. It is always a great idea to use analogies and examples that your family will be able to relate to so that they will be able to sympathise and perhaps empathise with the Black Lives Matter movement. They may not even realise that their mindset is embedded in racism, and these conversations may be the eye-opener they were not aware they so desperately needed.

Do not be afraid of someone disagreeing with you. Do not let the fear of a possible altercation prevent you from doing what is right. We cannot live in a world where we sit back and enable daily grievance towards our black friends when we have the power to make a change, starting with ourselves and our homes.

Below are some common arguments you might hear while having these talks as well as rebuttals so that you can be prepared to have a well-informed talk. It would also help if before you begin these discussions, you research events, statistics and facts so that you can speak confidently without potentially being discouraged:


“I’m an ethnic minority, it is impossible for me to be racist.”

Being an ethnic minority does not exempt you from committing racist acts or speech. Denying the possibility of being racist means you believe it is impossible to obliterate anti-blackness amongst other non-black communities - we must acknowledge the racism in our communities and actively work to become anti-racist.


“But who comes to defend us (as a minority) when we are in need of help? Why should Asians (as an example) support BLM when black people don’t stand up for us?”

This is not a competition to see who is more oppressed. With regard to COVID-19, many East Asians faced, and continue to face, blatant racism from all races; from Trump naming the virus “kung flu” to people being beat up in public, the Asian community has been deeply affected by the closed mindset of many individuals. So why would we want this to happen to others? It is wrong to not demand equity for black people because of the xenophobia we ourselves have experienced. We must stand in solidarity with our black counterparts and fight for their rights; despite being ethnic minorities, Asians hold privileges, such as not fearing the police, and we must use them for good. Fighting for this movement, fighting to eradicate white supremacy, fighting to destroy institutionalised racism benefits us all.


“Why are you making it about race?”

Because it is about race. Everything is about race, it always has been and it always will be. The refusal to acknowledge this is detrimental to our communities; people are killed, not considered for jobs and university applications, live in fear because of their race, and it all boils down to the systemic racism that hinders equality in our society. Recognising race is not a bad thing, we must see race in order to dismantle the disparity in our nations.


“But I have black friends and I enjoy black culture, so you can’t call me racist.”

You can have black friends and still be racist! You may not be calling the police on your black friends, but not conscientiously supporting them through being anti-racist is wrong. Believing in negative stereotypes and making ‘small’ comments are forms of casual racism, which may not be done or said with the intention of being racist but still have damaging impacts. Having black friends and enjoying black culture is an even bigger reason to check your own privileges and research how you can positively contribute to the BLM movement.